30 Days of Recovery

To my addiction,
Looking back into my dark moments Im coming to realize how much I depended on you. I destroyed my relationships to be loyal to you. I favored you over my family and turned to you for comfort. No matter how hard my loved ones around me tried to pull me away from you, you always had a more significant force that made it difficult for me to focus on anything but the lies you were feeding me. I let you grow on me, along with all the bad habits. I believed in you more than I believed in myself. I believed you were on my side, that you were set out to make me happy. But every time I did what you told me to do I suffered. I didn’t want to feel anything. I just wanted to numb out. I was lonely and I felt shame. I felt sadness. But I kept coming back to you. There was something comforting that came from the pain you brought. It was so consistent and I felt like you were the last thing I had. I burned the bridges of all my other relationships and you were all i had left with me. What I was doing wasn’t living. I was a shell of my former self and you controlled me like a puppet because you had finally consumed me. At a certain point, I finally felt trapped by you. Realizing I had no power over you led me to an event that changed the course of my life. I discovered that while I don’t have power over you I have the choice to listen to you or to ignore you. I have the ability to admit to and correct my mistakes. I have grown from what you have put me through. The pain has helped me appreciate happiness. I am a better person today and as a hurtful “friend” Im thanking you for what you have taught me.
I am powerless, but not helpless.
– Abi H.