Unlike a visit to the dentist\u2014\u201copen, rinse, say ahhh, spit\u201d\u2014the rules for a psychotherapy session are not so simple or clear. Most therapists are unlikely to give you step by step instructions for engaging the session\u2014\u201ctalk about your mother, cry, tell me a story from your childhood.\u201d That\u2019s partly because it\u2019s the nature of psychotherapy for the patient or client to \u201cshow up\u201d and initiate topics, set the initial direction, and open up. But that can be very difficult, especially if therapy is new to you or if trust is one of the issues you\u2019re going to therapy to address. The question of how to \u201cdo\u201d therapy is further complicated by the fact that there are many different therapeutic techniques, modalities, and styles out there, each one requiring a different type and level of patient involvement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The following suggestions will not guarantee that every therapy session will be a transformative experience, but they may help you engage therapy more confidently and, therefore, more effectively. Remember that it\u2019s up to you to \u201cshow up\u201d physically, intellectually, and emotionally in order for therapy to be effective. These simple tips might make that sometimes challenging process easier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s absolutely your right to ask questions of your therapist. If you have a concern or question or fear\u2014anything from a billing question to why your therapist keeps giving you \u201cthat look\u201d\u2014ask it. Asking questions (and getting honest, satisfactory answers) is a critical part of the trust-building process. Trust, of course, is fundamental to successful therapy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It can help to journal or talk with a trusted friend about your reasons for going to therapy before you actually go. Knowing what problem you\u2019re trying to solve or what part of your life you want to be more effective in\u2014even in broad strokes\u2014can help make your initial conversations with a therapist more fruitful. Your reasons for being in therapy may change over time, especially if the therapy is going well. So continue to check in with yourself and apprise your therapist of evolving reasons for being in a therapeutic process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some styles of therapy are very interactive, with the therapist and client actively engaging and even pushing each other. Other forms are didactic or technique oriented, with the therapist teaching specific skills or administering a treatment (like hypnotherapy or biofeedback). Still other forms favor a passive role for the therapist, leaving the client to do virtually all of the initiating and talking. Ask your therapist about the style of therapy he or she favors in your case and what your respective roles are in the process. If, for instance, you go to a hypnotherapist and talk the whole time, or to a psychoanalyst and don\u2019t say a word, it won\u2019t go very well!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you have a concern, a comment, or even a critique for your therapist, speak up! Being transparent and open is the key to building trust. If you feel overly hesitant to speak what\u2019s on your mind with your therapist, it will limit your progress. If you find yourself holding back in therapy, you might want to bring that up as a question to discuss with your therapist. Together you might be able to uncover\u2014and remove\u2014obstacles to building a truly trusting, open therapeutic relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being a good therapy client, i.e. making therapeutic progress, actually takes some practice. Being an effective client requires engagement, trust, and openness. All of those things can be tough to muster when you\u2019re first in therapy because the whole context is an unfamiliar one. With time and practice, though, you\u2019ll find yourself more able to relax and engage the process. Stick with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As a caveat to the previous point of understanding your own reasons for going to therapy, be open to surprises. Many, if not most, \u201cbreakthroughs\u201d (i.e. experiences of sudden growth or insight) come completely by surprise. That\u2019s because one of the points of therapy is to move us through or to new and unexplored or highly protected parts of ourselves. When we first enter therapy, we may only know that we\u2019re tired of feeling depressed (or angry, or anxious, or frustrated, or numb\u2026). Our sole purpose for coming may be to seek emotional relief from that feeling. But what we might discover along the way is that our depression is connected to something we didn\u2019t even know bothered us\u2014like resentment toward our spouse or a parent. Communicating our feelings toward that person might be the key to relieving your depression, rather than tackling the depression (or other feeling) directly. Being open to surprises even as you pursue your original objectives for therapy can create the greatest therapeutic opportunities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n