Does Your Daughter Refuse to go to School?

In our work with adolescents over the past twenty years, the mildly mischievous practice of playing hooky has given way to a disturbing epidemic. Adolescents are no longer just occasionally playing hooky to get a taste of freedom. Many teens now chronically struggle with school refusal to the point that they are failing classes, losing touch with peers and becoming terribly isolated.

Whether your child is engaged in a pattern of school refusal or is showing early signs of it—such as chronic lateness, frequent claims of illness, skipping certain classes regularly, etcetera—it may be a sign of a social/emotional disturbance requiring therapy, medication or treatment. Many parents miss the underlying root of school avoidance because they treat it as simple defiance. Observation along with genuine and compassionate curiosity can help you determine whether a trip to your local therapist, psychologist or educational consultant is in order. These professionals can conduct assessments that might shed light on both the cause of and treatment for your child’s school avoidance. Some common causes of chronic school avoidance include the following.

Reasons to refuse to go to School


Teens frequently create exclusive and, in some cases, abusive cliques that establish social territory by bullying. Bullying may be verbal or physical and may be delivered in person or electronically—through threatening or abusive Facebook posts or emails, etcetera. Bullying is a serious problem and can lead to severe anxiety, depression and avoidance of situations in which the bullying takes place. Often, the shame that accompanies being bullied makes teens reluctant to discuss it with their parents or peers.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Some teens struggle with a heightened and pervasive sense of overall anxiety. This may have biological and/or environmental causes. For these students the academic and/or social pressure of school may push that generalized anxiety to a very uncomfortable level, even without a specific causal factor.


Adolescent depression is rampant today. Signs of depression include listlessness, loss of interest in normal activities, withdrawal, talk of self harm, excessive sleeping and hopeless sounding speech. Depression may have chemical, environmental and/or even seasonal causes.

Sleep Issues

Sleep is a big issue for teens, who not only need more of it than they typically get, but who also need it at the right times. Once a teen’s sleep cycle is disrupted, it can lead to chronic fatigue, insomnia, depression and/or anxiety.

Substance Abuse

Abusing substances can interrupt sleep cycles, reduce motivation or simply eclipse other interests.


If school avoidance is sudden and extreme, and your child will not talk about it, don’t rule out the possibility that a trauma has occurred. Trauma may include any frightening or violating event that is severe enough to create extreme anxiety.

Low Self Esteem

Poor school performance, social awkwardness, the physical changes of adolescence, problems at home and many other factors can precipitate low self esteem. Teens with low self-esteem may avoid any setting that is highly social or that brings attention to things about themselves they do not like.


Agoraphobia literally means a fear of public places. The term is used to describe a disabling anxiety related to any of a number of public settings or situations. Because agoraphobic tendencies can generalize to many settings, agoraphobia sometimes manifests as a refusal to leave one’s house or even one’s bedroom or bed. Agoraphobia is a specific form of anxiety disorder.

New Haven makes a family crisis so much better. I know that sounds funny and in a way I meant it to be but when a family is going through a crisis I can’t tell you how reassuring it is for a parent to know that your daughter is in a wonderful place filled with wonderful people.

Despite the length of the preceding list, it’s only partial. There are many reasons that students may choose to chronically skip school. In most cases of school refusal, it’s important to remember that your teen feels he or she has a compelling emotional reason for this behavior. Most often the roots of chronic school avoidance boil down to intense depression and/or anxiety—both of which are highly treatable. So balancing your attempts to compel school attendance with a compassionate desire to understand your child’s emotional state can help you discover the root causes of their school avoidance. Understanding these causes is a first step to engaging your child in a manner that is effective and to identifying the kind of help they may need.