Why Do Girls Cut Themselves?

By, Dustin Tibbits, LMFT 

As a parent, discovering that your teenage daughter is cutting herself can be heartbreaking and overwhelming. It’s natural to feel a mix of confusion, fear, and helplessness, and ask questions like “Why do teenage girls cut themselves?” or “Why would my child start cutting?”.  

Your teen and family are not alone. At New Haven RTC, we understand how difficult it is to witness teen girls in pain and engage in self-harming behaviors. Cutting is often a desperate attempt to cope with intense emotions, and it’s a sign that your daughter is struggling with something deeper and maybe keeping it a secret. 

If you’re scared that your child is cutting and want to find help for your teen girl, we’re here to help. We’ll give you some answers to why teen girls start cutting or engaging in self-harm behavior and offer support on how you can help break through the secrecy and offer support with a calm, steadfast approach.   

Key Highlights on Why Teen Girls Cut Themselves

• Teenage girls may start cutting due to overwhelming emotions, peer pressure, or as a coping mechanism.
• Parents play an important role in helping teen girls by recognizing the signs and offering support while understanding that self-harm is often a cry for help that can be a sign of an underlying mental health condition.  
• If a teen girl’s cutting or self-harm persists, seeking professional treatment is essential. New Haven offers specialized residential programs that address the root causes of self-harm and help teen girls heal.  

Why Do Teen Girls Start Cutting or Self-Harming in Adolescence?  

Teen girls and young women start cutting or engaging in other self-harming behaviors during adolescence because of struggles with navigating overwhelming emotions or feelings, intense social pressures, suicidal ideation, to provide a sense of relief or control, as a coping mechanism, or due to difficult mental health conditions that can arise during adolescence.  

Self-harm includes any behavior designed to provide relief from emotional pain through self-inflicted physical pain. Many individuals with self-harm issues have experienced some form of past trauma resulting in ongoing emotional distress. Instead of expressing this pain in productive ways – for instance by talking about it – many individuals repress it and don’t experience it openly. Repressing intense emotions for extended periods of time causes emotional numbness. In the past, they may have needed to temporarily repress their emotions in order to cope with the trauma, but this coping strategy can have a long-term cost. After conditioning themselves not to feel, it can become difficult to reawaken their emotions. They have difficulty feeling anything. So, to feel, they cut. One reason teens may turn to physical pain as a coping strategy is that they are terrified of emotional pain; as a result they seek out physical pain instead of engaging their emotions so that they can feel something, but something much less threatening than emotional pain.

Others who self-harm do not repress their emotions. Instead, they experience the full intensity of painful emotions but have difficulty managing them. They may self-harm in order to redirect their attention to a more manageable, controllable type of pain. This redirection allows them to temporarily disconnect from the emotional pain and achieve a sense of relief and mastery.

Biologically speaking, cutting the skin releases “feel good” chemicals, such as endorphins. These chemicals give the cutter a sense of relief. They feel better for a time, but this chemical release wears off. Often people that self-harm need to cut deeper and cut more frequently to experience the same emotional relief. As a result, self-harm can become an addiction.

Usually self-harm is not suicidal behavior. Many who engage in self-harm do not want to kill themselves; they just want relief from their pain. Sometimes the reasons behind self-harm can cause an individual to spiral into depression, which may develop into suicidal ideation. In some instances, a careless act of self-harm can appear to be a suicidal attempt. For some, dissociation is a part of the cutting process; in such cases the individual may not realize the extent of the harm that they are inflicting until afterwards.

According to the author of Cutting, Steven Levenkron, other common reasons teens may engage in self-harm include:  

• Increased Attention  
• Addiction to the “rush” of self-harm  
• Acceptance of other “cutters”  
• Pre-suicide gesture  
• Cry for help; expression of inner turmoil  
• Art – to some, blood is beautiful  
• To punish self or loved ones  
• A form of religious worship to expiate guilt  

Charlotte’s Story

Charlotte sat in my office with her eyes downcast. Earlier, her friends had run to my office in terror. They had noticed fresh wounds on her arms and they were afraid Charlotte was trying to kill herself. Without looking up, Charlotte told me that it was not that “big of a deal;” she seemed embarrassed by her friends’ concern. She said she had a habit of cutting her wrists with razors. She indicated that she was not trying to kill herself; it was just a way for her to deal with the problems in her life. When she had a bad day at school, she got emotional relief from cutting. When she had a disagreement with her foster parents, she would cut. When the boy she liked ignored her, she cut. Since she felt numb much of the time, cutting helped her feel alive and the fresh blood gave her a feeling of relief. Charlotte was only 14 years old but had been cutting for four years. Cutting was part of her daily routine and, she told me, it gave her great comfort.

Charlotte’s cutting behavior falls into a category called “self-harm” by helping professionals. Self-harm in many of its forms has increased in popularity in the last decade. Famous individuals, such as Princess Diana, Angelina Jolie and others have publically shared their personal struggles with self-harm. Many people with self-harm tendencies have difficulty verbalizing or otherwise expressing emotional pain. Self-harm is a complicated and destructive coping strategy that affects many individuals from pre-adolescence through adulthood.

It is true to say that I’ve changed, but it goes so much deeper than that – I have remembered who I am – I have remembered my truest self and, I never would have thought it, but I love who that is.

Why Teens Say They Cut or Self-Harm  

Many of the students we work with at New Haven have a history of self-harming and as noted in the below quotes, their reasons for this are varied and complex. Unfortunately, the practice of self-harm is becoming more and more common among today’s teens, especially teenage girls.  

Keep Reading to Find out What Causes Self-Harm in Teen Girls

What Causes Self-Harm and Cutting Behaviors in Teen Girls? 

Cutting in teen girls can be caused by underlying mental health issues like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), past traumas, and related symptoms such as difficulties in expressing or feeling emotions, needing to feel a sense of control, or using it as a coping mechanism for overwhelming emotions.  

Many individuals that struggle with self-harm have also experienced some sort of trauma in their past. This could include childhood sexual, emotional or physical abuse, real or perceived abandonment or neglect by a caregiver, death or divorce. Bullying and peer rejection can also contribute to an individual’s trauma. Some individuals do not appear to have experienced any trauma, but have weak coping skills, a mental disorder, and/or are less resilient in dealing with problems.

As mentioned above, self-harm is a coping strategy to deal with emotional pain. Individuals that self-harm dissociate from the emotional pain by feeling physical pain. Many individuals self-harm because they want relief either from intense emotions or numbness and don’t have the skills or willingness to talk about their pain. Others who self-harm feel that when they self-harm, they have a sense of control over their emotions. Some believe they deserve to be punished for past issues; others use self-harm to re-enact abuse. One girl told me that she self-harmed because she believed she was a “bad” person and that she had “poison” inside of her. She felt like she needed to release the poison by cutting herself. She had experienced sexual trauma.

Find out How New Haven RTC Can Help Teen Girls

If You’re Worried That Your Daughter is Cutting, New Haven is Here to Help  

It’s important to intervene and find your teen professional help from a mental health provider so they can address their underlying struggles and heal from self-harm. If your teen is showing signs or symptoms of cutting or self-injurious behavior, we’re here to help.  

Our team of experts specializes in helping teen girls and families overcome mental health conditions like trauma that can lead to cutting or self-harm. Call us today for a free assessment and to find a healing treatment center.  

How Many Teen Girls Cut or Self-Harm?

 Cutting in teen girls and other forms of self-harm in young women and other youths ages 12-18 are on the rise. Research from the past five years shows a concerning rise in these behaviors, particularly among girls.  

In another highly coordinated study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, researchers found that teens engaged in high rates of self-harm around the age of 15.  In four out of the seven countries more than 30% of girls that age had harmed themselves.  We now know what we long suspected: Girls are more than twice as likely as boys to cut their wrists and thighs, and to scratch or pinch themselves so hard that they leave a mark or bleed.    

Keep Reading to Find Out What Types of Self-harm are Common for Teen Girls

What are the Types of Self-Injury?

Author of the book Bodies Under Siege A.R. Farza assigns self-injury into three types:   

• Compulsive self-injury occurs when teen girls hurt themselves repeatedly in a day, and typically use some kind of ritual.    
• Episodic self-injury occurs every so often and is typically more secretive.  The self-harmer would likely not identify herself as a “cutter”.  
• Repetitive self-injury occurs when a girl begins to self-harm over and over, so much so that it seems like (or becomes) an addictive pattern  

Types of Self-harm

There are many methods of self-harm. The most common form of self-harm is cutting. Individuals use razors, knives and other sharp objects to scratch or cut their skin. Much cutting is done on the arms, especially because it is an easily accessible location. Many of these individual hide the resulting scars with long shirts and bracelets. Other cutters seek attention from cutting and therefore don’t hide their scars, but openly show their wounds or scars.

Charlotte did not always hide her scars. Early on, she wanted to be “different” and have people notice her. She thought her scars were a badge of honor and set her apart from her peers. As I got to know Charlotte, I understood that she really wanted to stop cutting, and that showing her scars was also a cry for help.

Cutters sometimes cut in secret. The more hidden the scars are, the more severe the problem of self-harm tends to be. Individuals with self-harm issues also cut their breast, thighs, back, hips, and legs. The cutting can be random or very ordered and sequenced. There can be large cuts, or small marks grouped together (i.e., “cheese-grater” cuts).

One severe cutter I worked with described a precise system for her cutting. She would cut herself four times, two inches apart between cuts. Cutting for her was a ritual that was reinforced by her struggle with obsessive compulsive disorder.

Another prevalent form of self-harm is branding or burning. Individuals burn their skin with a hot object such as an iron, the stove, and/or matches. Rubbing an eraser against the skin can also cause a friction burn. This form of self-harm is often seen in the adolescent population.

Other common forms of self-harm in teen girls can include:

• Skin Carving: Engraving words, symbols, or designs into their own body using a sharp object, often as a form of self-expression or to cope with intense emotions.  
• Scratching: Persistently scratching the skin to the point of breaking it, leading to wounds and scarring, often as a response to anxiety or stress.  
• Hair Pulling: Repeatedly pulling out hair from the scalp, eyebrows, or other areas, which can lead to noticeable hair loss and is often triggered by stress or anxiety.  
• Hitting or Head Banging: Striking oneself with fists or banging the head against a hard surface, often as a way to cope with emotional numbness or overwhelming feelings.  
• Pinching: Pinching the skin forcefully to cause pain and bruising, used as a way to distract from emotional distress.  
• Choking: Temporarily restricting airflow by applying pressure to the neck, often to induce a brief sense of control or relief from emotional pain.  
• Scab Picking: Scab Picking: Continuously picking at scabs or wounds to prevent healing and create new injuries, which can become a compulsive behavior linked to anxiety or a need for control.  
• Wound Interference: Constantly reopening or aggravating existing wounds to delay the healing process, potentially leading to infections and long-term damage.  
• Biting: Repeatedly biting into the skin to cause pain and leave marks, often serving as a physical outlet for emotional turmoil or inner distress.  
• Eye Pressing: This can be a behavior where teen girls press or rub their eyes forcefully, which can result in damage to the eyes and surrounding tissues.  
• Embedding Objects: Embedding objects such as pins or sharp objects in arms, legs, or other areas of the body.  
• Ingesting Poisonous Substances: This could be ingesting dangerous substances such as cleaning products.  
• Substance Use or Abuse: This could be abusing alcohol frequently or other drugs that cause harm to the body and worsen mental health.  
• Jumping off High Places: Teen girls may participate in increasingly risky behavior such as cliff jumping to cause self-harm.   

These behaviors may be hidden from parents and caregivers but are serious indicators of underlying emotional struggles. If you’re worried about your daughter, we’re here to help and are dedicated to helping your daughter find safer, healthier ways to manage her emotions. 

Individuals Who Are at Higher Risk for Self-harm

Although it is difficult to say what makes one person self-harm and another not, there tend to be individuals who are at higher risk for developing self-harm behaviors.
These include:

• Being Female (although men also engage in self-harm behavior)
• Having a mental disorder, such as depression
• Having a personality disorder, such as borderline personality disorder
• Experiencing low self-esteem
• Being a high achiever or perfectionist who finds it difficult time living up to a perceived standard
• Difficulty expressing feelings
• Family issues and lack of emotional support from family
• Lack of healthy coping strategies

Most people who self-harm start at around age 14. Some continue to self-harm into their twenties. While self-harm behavior worked as a coping strategy in their teens, some individuals find that it is not as helpful or as socially acceptable when they get older. If the individual does not resolve the issues behind the self-harm behavior, then self-harm behavior may morph into other addictive behaviors, such as drugs, alcohol, and promiscuity.

Please know that you have made a difference in my life, and you have made me (the girl who couldn’t feel loved) believe there’s nobody more important than me. I used to wonder why you cared so much, but now I am just thankful.

What Does Cutting Behavior Mean for Young Women?

Cutting and self-harming behavior in young women and teen girls is often misunderstood, leading parents to worry that it always means their daughter is suicidal, seeking attention, or that they’ve somehow failed as parents.  

Cutting and self-harm can be signals that teen girls are in significant emotional pain and may need help from a treatment center or professional to address underlying mental health conditions or issues that can be causing distress or pain.   

Keep Reading to Understand Suicidality and Self-Harm

If my Teen Daughter is Cutting Does That Mean She’s Suicidal?

Self-harm does not always mean a teen is suicidal, however, self-harm can be a warning sign that teen girls are thinking or having ideations about suicide, but it can also be a way for young women to discharge emotional discomfort that they don’t know how to manage in other ways, such as sadness, anger, and stress. 

We understand how difficult this can be for parents and how many questions can arise when teen girls are cutting or self-harming. If you have questions about treatment centers or stabilization and assessment programs that can help teen girls who have had a mental health crisis overcome self-harming behaviors or cutting, we’re here to help. Contact or call our team and we’ll help you find a treatment program that can help your family and daughter overcome self-harm behaviors.   

How Can I Help a Teen Girl if She is Self-Harming?  

You can help your teen daughter by making sure your teen is safe, communicating with your teen and helping her build affirming, safe relationships, and seeking treatment when teen girls need it.  Here are some other ways parents can help teen girls who are cutting or self-harming.

1. Make Your Teen’s Safety the First Priority

Before assisting a teen girl with her self-harm, parents and loved ones should assess whether or not she is safe. If she is not, reporting the abuse or neglect to the proper authorities and obtaining professional counseling for the young woman or teens can be necessary.  

Secondly, parents and caregivers should make the home and school environment as safe as possible.  Through situational planning, loved ones can remove or lock up objects that are too readily available for self-harm, such as shaving razors, kitchen knives, utility blades, and so forth.    

Some parents find that routine, unexpected room searches or body searches work. It is wise to remove as many sharp objects as possible, understanding that self-injurers will harm whatever is around.  Tiny screws in the light switch, a stray staple in the carpet, jagged rocks, and the sharp edges of construction paper – all of these are impossible to remove from a home or school.  

2. Create Safe, Affirming Relationships

3. Communicate Openly Without Shame or Judgement of Teens 

The way to assist a teen girl who is self-harming is not to berate, cajole, punish, or threaten them with questions or judgments. Young women who self-injure can already struggle with doing those things to themselves.  

Unfortunately, parents are often so scared by the self-harm that they also overreact.  When parents overreact, they inadvertently shame their already shameful child. Their assumption is that their child is going to take the “next step” and commit suicide.  It is important to know that self-harm does not always lead to suicide. While it can be a warning sign that teen girls are having suicidal ideations, it’s important for parents to communicate calmly and openly without rushing into shame or judgment of a teen girl’s cutting behavior.   

Instead, communicate with your teen in an open, present, and non-judgmental way so you can understand more of where these behaviors are coming from and what teen girls may be going through.  

4. Understand the Role Self Harm is Playing in a Teen Girl’s Life

When trying to help a teen girl who self-harms, I find it most effective to try to understand the role that self-harm is playing in their lives. I often ask myself, is it a language through which the young woman can communicate her needs to others? Is it a way for a teen to turn on or off her feelings? Is it a way for a young woman to feel important, noticed, and unique within her family or peer group? Is it a way to self-punish and make up for feelings of worthlessness or self-hate?  

There aren’t words strong enough to match what I am feeling but cutting can show what I am feeling and so I don’t need words.

After communicating with a teen girl, it can help parents to ask themselves these questions to try to understand where a teen girl’s cutting or self-harm is coming from. Once we can identify the needs that self-harm is filling, we can work on finding other, more effective ways of getting those same needs met.  

5. Encourage Teen Girls to Build Relationships

Building relationships and connections with people who are good role models and can provide the support that teen girls need can help when they are having difficulties with cutting and self-harm. These relationships can help young women. You can help teens build these support groups by helping them pick out some family members or role models who are good influences and who they can reach out to when they need a supportive person to communicate with. 

6. Help Teen Girls Re-Establish Identity and Worth

Teen girls who are cutting can also experience difficulties with identity and self-worth. Teenagers struggle already with knowing who they are, adding in self-harm can make it even more difficult to maintain a strong sense of self for teen women. Self-injury becomes not just a part of them, it is them.   

Parents can help teen girls rebuild their self-identity and self-worth without self-harm defining them by looking at photos or reflecting on supportive memories that remind them of who they are when they are overwhelmed by the confusion and pain in their lives. For example, maybe it’s a photo of her at the soccer playoffs celebrating with the team after a good game that you look at together. Or a photo of a fun family trip that reminds her that she is supported and loved.   

7. Help Teen Girls Understand They Always Have a Choice

Our relationships should be built on alliance, not compliance.  It’s important to emphasize to young women and teen girls that they have control of themselves. They can choose whether or not to engage in self-harming behavior.  Especially in our society today, when so many young girls are taught to ignore their instincts and their inner voice, teen girls need a trusted adult to validate their competence.    

8. Give Teen Girls the Tools They Need to Stop Cutting or Self-Harming 

Once a teen girl sees the need and has the desire to stop her self-harm behaviors, it is important to help her learn some tools she can use to break these difficult patterns. Here are some tools and skills parents can help teen girls learn or use:  

Teach Healthy Coping Skills When Cutting Urges Arise

I try to teach the student that just because she experiences strong urges to self-harm at any particular moment doesn’t mean that she “needs” to self-harm to relieve the urge. She has a choice of whether or not to engage in that behavior. I want to empower her to see her self-harm urges as an annoying “person” in her head who is just trying to talk her into self-harming.   

She doesn’t have to listen to it, and she can find other ways to manage the feelings such as talking with a friend, going for a walk, deep breathing, meditation, playing with an animal, practicing an instrument, etc. The discomfort of resisting the urge to self-harm won’t last forever and she can learn to tolerate it and let it run its course.   

Help Teen Girls Find Healthy Activities to Replace Cutting or Self-Harm

Additionally, I encourage teen girls to pick something positive or creative in their lives that they can immerse themselves in, such as painting, clay sculpting, hobby, or volunteer work. Self-harm has most likely filled a big part of their lives and they will need something else to put in its place. Instead of focusing on not doing something (self-harming), they can focus on doing something new (a hobby or volunteer work).  

It gives meaning to what I am feeling inside.

Here are some activities that teen girls could use to replace cutting or self-harm:  

• Deep breathing  
• Relaxation techniques   
• Call a friend, your therapist, or a crisis line   
• Try not to be alone (visit a friend, go shopping, etc.)   
• Take a hot bath   
• Listen to music   
• Go for a walk   
• Write in a journal   
• Punch a bed or a pillow (when nothing but a physical outlet for your anger and frustration will work)  
• Hold ice in your hand (I don’t like this option, but some people say it works)  
• Avoid temptation (i.e., shave legs less or only around others, etc.)   
• Try to find your own creative ways as outlets for emotions  
• Learn to confront others respectfully/make your own feelings known instead of keeping them inside   
• Go outside and scream and yell  
• Take up a sport (a form of exercise can help you release tension)   
• Work with paint, clay, play-dough, etc.   
• Draw a picture of what or who is making you angry   
• Instead of harming yourself, try massaging the area you want to harm with oils or creams, reminding yourself that you are special, and you deserve to treat yourself. 

9. Find Self-Harm Treatment When Needed

If your teen girl or a young woman in your family is consistently showing signs or symptoms of self-harm and your family hasn’t been able to help, finding the right treatment as soon as possible is an important next step.   

Stabilization and assessment programs can help teens who have experienced a mental health crisis and are engaging in self-harming behavior to stop cutting and heal traumas or mental health conditions with trained experts. Residential treatment centers with round-the-clock care and treatment can also provide teen girls with the healing environment they need and evidence-based therapies such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT) that can help them heal.   

Treatment of Self-harm

The best treatment for self-harm behaviors is helping the individual express and talk about their pain. As they talk about their pain, they are able to gain perspective and understanding of it. Some individuals have difficulty expressing themselves verbally. These people can release their pain through writing, drawing, painting, and other forms of expression. The important thing is for them to release their pain in a healthy way.

Since self-harm behavior can be similar to an addiction, many individuals have intense urges to return to self-harm even as they try to recover. Teaching and helping individuals deal with these urges will be important in their treatment. It can be helpful to offer alternatives to the self-harming behavior such as using a stress ball, exercising, talking, finding a distraction, and seeking out the company of positive peers or adults.

The best treatment for self-harm behaviors is helping the individual express and talk about their pain.

Charlotte came to my office a few times a week for a year. Over time we developed trust and Charlotte began to share. She talked about her biological mother abandoning her, about the physical abuse she endured, about a family friend molesting her, and about the pain of being placed in foster care. She talked about the hurt these experiences had caused her. She cried and let out her pain. She shared her urges to cut herself and we set up strategies to help her. We talked about things she could do to soothe herself. She learned she loved running, writing poems, and being with friends. Her self-harm behavior lessened. She was able to handle life’s stresses in more productive ways. She said being open and honest with herself, and sharing her pain with a trusted adult, helped her the most. Although she is still scarred by her past trauma, she has been able to move forward in more healthy ways.

What if a Teen Girl Has Had a Self-Harm Relapse? 

A “lapse” in self-harm behavior in teen girls doesn’t mean that she is a failure and should give up. Many girls who self-harm tend to see things as “all or nothing” and this can cause them to want to give up if they make a mistake.  

If your daughter or a teen girl in your family has had a self-harm relapse and you’re worried about them, New Haven RTC is here to help. 

Summary

Self-harm is an unhealthy coping strategy that some individuals use when dealing with emotional pain. Its causes can include past trauma and pain, difficulty expressing oneself, and a lack of healthy coping strategies. There are many types of self-harm, although cutting is the most common. Being an adolescent female with a mental disorder puts one at a much higher risk for self-harm. Treatment includes teaching and encouraging the young person to engage forms of healthy self-expression. This work can take time and is most effective in the context of a safe, trusting therapeutic relationship. Although self-harm is difficult to overcome, it is possible with effective treatment. With proper treatment, many of these individuals live the rest of their lives free of self-harm.

Is your daughter struggling? New Haven offers hope and healing.

Are you searching for a place where your child can find hope, healing, and a brighter future? New Haven Residential Treatment Center offers a nurturing community where teenage girls can develop the skills they need to overcome challenges and build a strong foundation for success. Unlike many other teen treatment centers, New Haven focuses on addressing the root causes of mental health issues, rather than just treating the symptoms. Our experienced therapists and mental health professionals provide personalized care tailored to each individual’s unique needs. By choosing New Haven, you are giving your child the best possible chance to heal, grow, and thrive.

Don’t wait. Get the help your teen needs. Call 385-444-9931 or contact us online to discover how New Haven can transform her life.